On Parenting-This Much I Know

On Parenting:

This much I know:

My daughter is 12. We adopted her when she was 18 months, so we missed parenting her infant baby years. I imagine those must be the happiest times of joy and wonder. Don’t get me wrong, the entire experience of parenting is of joy and wonder. But, I’m thinking the pre-verbal years are the best.
We did have her for her terrible twos, but terrible they weren’t. She was still adjusting, getting acquainted with her new US home, so everything was just wonderful. She potty trained really quickly, maybe due to the fact that in China, they don’t keep the kids in diapers for too long what with the cost of diapers and all. When we first got her, her pant seam was split so one could easily put her on the potty. Not a diaper to be found anywhere in our group. Usually before the age of 2 Chinese kids are potty trained.

But by the time she was three however, when we moved back to California, and she in her new very big bedroom, she went through what must have been her terrible two’s or trying three's. She screamed nightly saying there were ghost in her room. She would cry for hours, so much so, that I told my husband, maybe we should hire an Anthropologist to see if our house was on a sacred Indian Burial Ground. Don’t be crazy he says, it’s just a phase and it was.
By the time she was four and in pre-school, talking was the problem. She wouldn’t shut up, so much so it became a behavioral issue at school. It’s just a phase my husband says, and it was a phase, a phase that lasted well into elementary school and on into middle school, where thankfully she has learned to keep silent in class. Whew!
In elementary school, I became concern that she was not quite grasping the concept of composition and grammar structure, so much so, I enrolled her into Sylvan, against my husband’s rolling his eyes and saying it’s just a phase. Ok, she’s our daughter and I expect her to be genius. I expect her to write volumes suitable for publishing at the age of 7. Well, after a few months of Sylvan and a lot of money later, (could work for you) we (I) decided I was being overly expectant and took her out.

At the age of 7 we enrolled her into private guitar lessons, which her teacher commented on how quickly she picked up things, (well, yeah, she’s got a new brain!). We rotated the guitar lessons with piano lessons. She definitely did not like the piano. Ok no piano. When she enrolled in middle school, she wanted to play in the orchestra but that required playing the violin. So it was on to playing the violin. Never mind we spent hundreds on guitar lessons. I'm hoping that somehow she'll parlay those lessons into some kind of talent, yeah right!

Middle school posed new problems and new phases. And as such, with each new phase, we can only hope it goes away quickly. I agonized that she was spending way too much time in front of the computer, but secretly hoping that it wouldn't end. The minute my sister-in-law let the words out of her mouth and spilling them into the universe, well be thankful she's not at the mall, our daughter said she was getting bored with the computer and maybe she could meet her friends at the mall if we would let her. Uh, I think not! Now go back to playing on the computer!

So now looking back on parenting retrospectively, these are the things I’ve learned:

Don’t worry too much about your child, it’s probably just a phase
Don’t expect them to be geniuses
Expect less get more
Don’t over react
Don’t spend too much dough on private tutors, they probably don’t need it (especially in elementary school!)
Don’t rush out and buy the latest thing for your kid, what will they have to look forward to?
Don’t spend tons of money on your child’s wardrobe, they’re kids, they grow too fast and don't care what they are wearing , at least not until middle school
Don’t expect them to be like the other kids, which in some ways is a good thing.

Don't worry, that computer phase where they are always playing their games on the computer doesn't last long so enjoy! Home entertainment will soon become extinct.

and lastly,

Practice practice, patience, because this too shall pass.

Book Review-A Year of Fog by Michelle Richmond

This story is a mother's worst nightmare. You glance away and in that one minute of inattention, you lose your life. You lose your child. How does one deal with something like that? The story's been done before, Deep End of the Ocean, by Jacquelyn Mitchard, which they made into a great movie, The Adam Walsh Story, heartbreakingly played by JoBeth Williams as the mother, and Kate Nelligan as the brave mother in Without A Trace. For this story, it centers around Abby, who isn't even Emma's mother, but who is engaged to her father and finds herself in that terrible situation. I think maybe in this case it would be a much greater case of loss and sorrow, to lose someone else's child, how could you live with yourself? How could you ever forgive yourself, even if everyone else does? Abby and Emma are shelling for sand dollars on the shores of Ocean Beach, where a foggy haze lingers over the sky. Abby looks away from Emma to take a photograph of a seal pup. When she looks up, Emma is nowhere to be found. Thus starts the heart wrenching search, a story of realization and determination. A story of faith and hope even when it seems everything is lost. A story of discovery and justice. Every street scene evokes the mood and atmosphere of my beloved city by the bay, San Francisco. Every chapter would elicit my response of I've been there, which is one of the reasons why I loved this book so much.

As with any good book, I hated for it to end, but hurry to the end I did, the suspense was killing me. I then turned it over to my 12 year old daughter to read. At first she was like, it's too slow, but with a little prodding, she quickly became engrossed and we had many a lively discussion on which actor would play who. She was so taken by the book, it became the subject of her final book project for her reading class in school. A great summer read and I can't wait till they turn this one into a movie!

Donna's Crock Pot Chili

I know it's almost approaching summer, but one last winter day meal and something I cooked last week, a little north wind was blowing (howling actually at 30 mph) so something soupy in a bowl was just the thing!

In a skillet, heat up some olive oil, add 1/2 onion chopped and soften. Add 1/2 green bell pepper, cook for about 5 minutes, add 1lb ground turkey cook till brown.

Put all of the above in crock pot, add 1 can crushed tomatoes (large can) and 1 can of beef broth. Add three cans of red (cooked) kidney beans (rinse before adding to pot). Season with salt, pepper, chili powder, about 3 T, cumin 2t, and 1 jalapeno pepper with most of the seeds removed (I just keep a few seeds for heat). Add 2 cloves chopped garlic and cook on high for 6 hours.

Top it off with either sour cream, cheese, and avocado!

Delicious!

Doubletree Disneyland

Last week was my daughter's long awaited trip to her Fine Arts Competition held in the Anaheim area, with the awards ceremony held at Disneyland. The school's buses left the school yard promptly at 7:00, four white buses loaded with screaming kids, instruments, and suitcases. Myself and husband after dropping off the dogs at the vet, played catch up on I-15 looking for the white buses hoping to catch up. We passed one white bus and thought it must be one of them, but when we didn't meet up with the other three, it must have been another group. We finally met up at Barstow where the kids were let off for a break. This was my 12 year old's first trip semi-away from her parents, although we were tagging along and she was going to share a room with her friends with us in a room on the upper levels. I was a little nervous on how she was going to handle it. She can barely stay over someone's house for a sleep over when she calls and says she's homesick. We decided to make the trip to Disneyland, because they were planning to return back to Las Vegas at 2:30 in the morning Sunday, which I'm like I'm not getting up in the middle of the night to pick you up. Better go and she can leave with us on Sunday at a reasonable time.

We played cat and mouse with the buses on the freeway, myself not quite sure of the freeway routes. I usually stay more toward the valley side of LA. I was amazed how fast the buses made the trip. We left Las Vegas at 7:30 and we were rolling in to the hotel at 12:00. I've only known one way to get to Disneyland and that is off the Santa Ana freeway, south. Take a note, the quickest route to Disneyland from Las Vegas: I-15 south to 60 West to 57 South. Nice and easy. The school booked rooms at the Doubletree next to the Block at Orange, which is an outdoor shopping mall. The kids were let off there for lunch and shopping (which proved not a good idea since most of the kids spent their Disneyland money on stuff there). Thankfully I was there to give her more money after she spent over half her $100.00 on stuff from Claire's.

The Doubletree was a pleasant surprise. I always had liken the Doubletree to the hotel level of the La Quinta's. Don't get me wrong, nothings wrong with those hotels, but this Doubletree, I was like, what am I at a Westin or something? The rooms were large and nicely appointed. But what was a true gem was that the restaurant on site was really good. Being that the aunt had a bum leg, we were not able to find parking at the nearby Block at Orange where there were a pleathora of restaurants, we had to eat at the hotel restaurant, which was surprisingly delicious. That night the competition, back to the hotel where the kids were served a dinner buffet and then the next day Disneyland and the award ceremony at the Park.

That night after being at the Park all day, we decided to come back to the hotel and eat at the restaurant again. Unfortunately, as I told the waiter, the chef from the previous night must not be working because the food was awful. Our pasta sauce was watery and Andy's steak didn't have the onions and mushrooms as the menu said. When the waiter asked if we would like something else, the aunt said she would take the club, because how can they mess up a club sandwich? Well they can if they bring you out a cheeseburger! The waiter got so flustered, he called the manager who was so professional and did the right thing and not charge us for a single thing. Aricela was the restaurant manager's name, and I cannot stop complimenting her enough. Finally in this world where no one cares if you got what you expected, she was fantastic. Give that girl a raise!

So if you plan a trip to Disneyland, stay at the Doubletree (100 The City Drive) next to the Block at Orange. It's a nice hotel and just a short drive to the park. And oh yeah, my daughter's orchestra group took first place in everything. What more could a mother ask for! Woo Hoo!