On Parenting:
This much I know:
My daughter is 12. We adopted her when she was 18 months, so we missed parenting her infant baby years. I imagine those must be the happiest times of joy and wonder. Don’t get me wrong, the entire experience of parenting is of joy and wonder. But, I’m thinking the pre-verbal years are the best.
We did have her for her terrible twos, but terrible they weren’t. She was still adjusting, getting acquainted with her new US home, so everything was just wonderful. She potty trained really quickly, maybe due to the fact that in China, they don’t keep the kids in diapers for too long what with the cost of diapers and all. When we first got her, her pant seam was split so one could easily put her on the potty. Not a diaper to be found anywhere in our group. Usually before the age of 2 Chinese kids are potty trained.
But by the time she was three however, when we moved back to California, and she in her new very big bedroom, she went through what must have been her terrible two’s or trying three's. She screamed nightly saying there were ghost in her room. She would cry for hours, so much so, that I told my husband, maybe we should hire an Anthropologist to see if our house was on a sacred Indian Burial Ground. Don’t be crazy he says, it’s just a phase and it was.
By the time she was four and in pre-school, talking was the problem. She wouldn’t shut up, so much so it became a behavioral issue at school. It’s just a phase my husband says, and it was a phase, a phase that lasted well into elementary school and on into middle school, where thankfully she has learned to keep silent in class. Whew!
In elementary school, I became concern that she was not quite grasping the concept of composition and grammar structure, so much so, I enrolled her into Sylvan, against my husband’s rolling his eyes and saying it’s just a phase. Ok, she’s our daughter and I expect her to be genius. I expect her to write volumes suitable for publishing at the age of 7. Well, after a few months of Sylvan and a lot of money later, (could work for you) we (I) decided I was being overly expectant and took her out.
At the age of 7 we enrolled her into private guitar lessons, which her teacher commented on how quickly she picked up things, (well, yeah, she’s got a new brain!). We rotated the guitar lessons with piano lessons. She definitely did not like the piano. Ok no piano. When she enrolled in middle school, she wanted to play in the orchestra but that required playing the violin. So it was on to playing the violin. Never mind we spent hundreds on guitar lessons. I'm hoping that somehow she'll parlay those lessons into some kind of talent, yeah right!
This much I know:
My daughter is 12. We adopted her when she was 18 months, so we missed parenting her infant baby years. I imagine those must be the happiest times of joy and wonder. Don’t get me wrong, the entire experience of parenting is of joy and wonder. But, I’m thinking the pre-verbal years are the best.
We did have her for her terrible twos, but terrible they weren’t. She was still adjusting, getting acquainted with her new US home, so everything was just wonderful. She potty trained really quickly, maybe due to the fact that in China, they don’t keep the kids in diapers for too long what with the cost of diapers and all. When we first got her, her pant seam was split so one could easily put her on the potty. Not a diaper to be found anywhere in our group. Usually before the age of 2 Chinese kids are potty trained.
But by the time she was three however, when we moved back to California, and she in her new very big bedroom, she went through what must have been her terrible two’s or trying three's. She screamed nightly saying there were ghost in her room. She would cry for hours, so much so, that I told my husband, maybe we should hire an Anthropologist to see if our house was on a sacred Indian Burial Ground. Don’t be crazy he says, it’s just a phase and it was.
By the time she was four and in pre-school, talking was the problem. She wouldn’t shut up, so much so it became a behavioral issue at school. It’s just a phase my husband says, and it was a phase, a phase that lasted well into elementary school and on into middle school, where thankfully she has learned to keep silent in class. Whew!
In elementary school, I became concern that she was not quite grasping the concept of composition and grammar structure, so much so, I enrolled her into Sylvan, against my husband’s rolling his eyes and saying it’s just a phase. Ok, she’s our daughter and I expect her to be genius. I expect her to write volumes suitable for publishing at the age of 7. Well, after a few months of Sylvan and a lot of money later, (could work for you) we (I) decided I was being overly expectant and took her out.
At the age of 7 we enrolled her into private guitar lessons, which her teacher commented on how quickly she picked up things, (well, yeah, she’s got a new brain!). We rotated the guitar lessons with piano lessons. She definitely did not like the piano. Ok no piano. When she enrolled in middle school, she wanted to play in the orchestra but that required playing the violin. So it was on to playing the violin. Never mind we spent hundreds on guitar lessons. I'm hoping that somehow she'll parlay those lessons into some kind of talent, yeah right!
Middle school posed new problems and new phases. And as such, with each new phase, we can only hope it goes away quickly. I agonized that she was spending way too much time in front of the computer, but secretly hoping that it wouldn't end. The minute my sister-in-law let the words out of her mouth and spilling them into the universe, well be thankful she's not at the mall, our daughter said she was getting bored with the computer and maybe she could meet her friends at the mall if we would let her. Uh, I think not! Now go back to playing on the computer!
So now looking back on parenting retrospectively, these are the things I’ve learned:
Don’t worry too much about your child, it’s probably just a phase
Don’t expect them to be geniuses
Expect less get more
Don’t over react
Don’t spend too much dough on private tutors, they probably don’t need it (especially in elementary school!)
Don’t rush out and buy the latest thing for your kid, what will they have to look forward to?
Don’t spend tons of money on your child’s wardrobe, they’re kids, they grow too fast and don't care what they are wearing , at least not until middle school
Don’t expect them to be like the other kids, which in some ways is a good thing.
Don't worry, that computer phase where they are always playing their games on the computer doesn't last long so enjoy! Home entertainment will soon become extinct.
and lastly,
Practice practice, patience, because this too shall pass.
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